Crying. I am worthless.

Hello. I am crying now. I went to a therepist today. I was already mad at my mom. I was silent when she was talking. And pretty silent afterwards. My mom caught on. She said she felt as if I was nonverbally asking her "What are you still doing here?" So she got up and left. I felt terrable about it but at least I would be able to get my feelings out. I said things in there I know I should not have said. Even saying that if mom ever found out some of my thought and opinions and such I would never be able to forgive myself because it would hurt her too badly. I should have put two and two together. I heard every word the group right before us said. My mom said she even tried to go into the stairwell but she could still hear. I said things that I wish I didn't. My mom called me down a little while ago and asked if I liked her at all. I had never really thought about it and I am afraid to think about it now because I may not like the answer. She said she felt like I didn't. She said for the past couple of days I had been looking at her like "Ugh." I am ashamed that I have felt this way as I have. How could I. I need to be destroyed. I love my mom even if I don't. I feel terrible. How could I have said those things. Life will never be the same again. She knows now some of the things that I feel. She says she is over it but I know she is not. Am I doomed to complete the rest of mylife in shadow? The both of us never feeling truly happy? This is just like me. Fucking everything up. I wish I could just die. I wish I could kill myself but I know that I cannot because mom would feel like it was her fault. I wish everyone would just forget about me so that I could remove myself from this earth. My name, Ms.Stake. Suits me very well. I must have been a mistake because I know that god would not let someone like me onto this earth on purpose. I am a horrible person. I can't kill myself because then my mom would think its her fault. I am doomed to live with those feelings I am so ashamed of and bring those that I love down with me. I need to be destroyed.