Saturday, June 02, 2007

Trying

OK, haven't blogged in a while but I am feeling super extra-bitter right now. Why is it that a certain guy I like, wh knows I like him and am extrememly jealous, seems to go out of his way to flirt with other girls in front of me? I'm probably just oversensitive and paranoid, but still. GRR, and I'm at a fucking wedding, I can't cry now, I'm trying though. I'm trying to not cry, not get so jealous, not like such a fucking asshole, not be so oversensitive and paranoid. But it's hard. GRR, and I feel bad for the girls because I HATE them by default, and that is really not fair at all, I don't even KNOW them. What to do? What to do? Kill me Now

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Better Now Again...

OK so what I said earlier about Hannah being my friend-ish was brought on merely by a bout of jealousy and I am much metter chao y'all, SS

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Okey Dokey g2g2wright.

I'm not feeling incredibly inspired so I am off to find inspiration in the deep depths of the internet. Join me now, you shall, and we shall find the fountain of... something... passibly rabbits... or small and flighty things... maybe neither... maybe just a fountain of water... ok g2g2search. now. I really should be doing my social studies homework right now. sorry. don'y know where that came from. I honestly recommend http://www.matazone.co.uk/theotherside.html I love it. Its fabulous. Oh this is fun... http://www.seventhsanctum.com/index-name.php The Eternal Dreamer Carrying the Gold Maul and Who Seeks the Labrynth. Cool. From now on I will respond to nothing accept The Eternal Dreamer Carrying the Gold Maul and Who Seeks the Labrynth. and it has to be exact. yo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QWERTY I just can't imagine the type of person that would make a wikipedia article on "qwerty" Wow. theres some dirty S*** online... won't do that again... this is dangerous... ooh outkast... http://www.i-am-bored.com/ neato maybe this will help. this is boring i hate it i want to go read cuzz thats wat i does not doesnt sorry tired i cant think... like at all. http://likebetter.com/ This is... interseting. ok imma go. g2g2read y'know? sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppp........................................................[IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j48/dittabitta/remoteImage-13.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j48/dittabitta/remoteImage-14.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j48/dittabitta/remoteImage-19.gif[/IMG][IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j48/dittabitta/remoteImage-2.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j48/dittabitta/choosewisley.gif[/IMG][IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j48/dittabitta/absurd.png[/IMG]YES![IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j48/dittabitta/absurd.png[/IMG] [IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j48/dittabitta/batman.jpg[/IMG] HAHA! l8er y'all.

Friday, October 13, 2006

For those of them that are so insnae...

May I recommend a one http://babelfish.altavista.com/ ??? And might I say that even the dumbest of the dumb can understand angrams.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Bored

So I Did Quizzes duh!
Your True Birth Month Is December
LogicalPatrioticAmbitiousNot egoisticLoves praiseLoves to jokeFun to be withNot pretending Loves attentionShort temperedHates restrictionsLoves to socializeLoves to be loved Loyal and generous Impatient and hastyChanging personalityGood sense of humorHonest and trustworthyInfluential in organizationsTakes high pride in oneself Active in games and interactions
You Have Your PhD in Men
You understand men almost better than anyone.You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.
How Well Do You Understand Men?
Your Flirt Quotient
You are 100% Flirt
How Much of a Flirt Are You?
You Are A Break Up Pro!
If there were an Emily Post of breaking up, it would be you.You know exactly when and how to end each relationshipPlus, you are sweet enough to minimize heartbreakBottom line, your ex's all remember you fondly - thanks to your break up class
Are You a Break Up Artist?
Your Perfume is Glow
Fresh, sexy, and clean. You're real, intimate, and exciting. Your lush sensuality appeals to men... And you're as sexy as Jennifer Lopez. Power scents: Orange flower, grapefruit, and citrus.
What Perfume Are You?
Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy
You're definitely a flirt - and a good one.But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by.You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you.That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.
Are You Easy?
You Should Own a Dalmation
Energetic, polite, and uniquely stylish.
What Kind of Dog Should You Have?
Hey! Thats great! My brothers are coming to live with me and mom and one of them has a dalmation. Shes adorable and so sweet. Ok no more cutsy feelings for the puppy.
g2g

Monday, September 18, 2006

Back now.

OK so I have been really depressed for a while but I'm gonna write now. Ok so they split up my geometry class which they were going to do anyway but there was a huge scare at my school that it was gonna be boys girls. this was especially hard for me mostly because this meant I would lose prime flirting time. weel they didn't split it up like that but they did split it up so that my best friends Cat, Mark and Will wre in one class and I was in the new class with the better teacher. Well at least I had Naomi who is a nice girl but not Cat and I can't flirt with her like Mark or Will. Anyway I was snappy at Cat and Hannah (my friend..ish) telling them not to talk to me that was fun. Cat jumped back. Like my words bit. I love power. Any ways I didn't eat and I was very upset and looked it. (I love that word, upset, its sad and mad, how convienient.) Naomi was too. Mr.Delcastillo asked me and Naomi what was wrong. We said we got moved away from our friends. He said something about meaning to talkj about that. I don't know he didn't but whatever. Then at the end of class I lingered behind because he said he liked to treat us like high schoolers because this was a high school class I was going to ask if we could sit with the other class and move around. But then he asked what was wrong and I said I left all of my friends in the other class he said he was sorry then he asked me how many friends I left behind and I told him 3 then I told him their first and last names. he said maybe he could try to buy them. I hope he wasn't joking. I told Cat I was going top pray for us weather she liked it or not. (shes athiest) I hope he moves them into our class. That would be super mega ultra cool. That and I admit it. I tried not to look but I turned around to look at the other class and was EXTREMELY jealous when I saw Hannah was sitting next to Will. I mean Cat was sitting next to Mark but I'm used to that that and Hannah went out with Will. Pang of jealousy there. sorry. I feel bad that i would not feel bad if he did move them into my class and he left her all alone but she has tons of other friends. I don't. Sorry thats wrong of me. And i shouldn't feel sorry for mytself. Ah well we will see what happens. Chao. Sarah.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Or So I Mentions.

I mentions earlier the book. I will give you the first and, alright, only but its in my head ok?!... paragraph We took it for granted y’know. We took it for granted that we would be forgiven and our souls purified. There was no one to think different for it was simply all other beliefs were long since annihilated. Those who remained were not thought to and those who mumbled resistance in the deep slumber of dreams were forever silenced. I do remember those mornings. You could not say when someone was missing for fear of government coming out of the shadows and no one speaking out of ordinary whilst you were swept into those shadows that we are told have always been subject to young fear and nothing more. Sorry I do get off the subject.

What I Am Is What I Am You What You Are Or What?

Ok so I know I haven't written in a while but I got inspired again, sort of, by the song what I am. I love that songe. I have it on repeat right now. I really have nothing to talk about. School started. I decided I want to flirt with my friend Will for a while and see what happens Its fun. Hes cute. I'm bored. But I'm in an inspired bluesy-jazzgirl-california-lawn-bluegrass-laughter-beer-and-lemonade state and I love it. I'm gonna go take photographs. that sound fun. I hope I can feel it for a while because its slipping away the more i write. panic. uh-oh. i think its gone,. damn.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Good To Know About Myself...

Right so I took a qiz to see what percentage of each sin I was... You scored LUST Lust 100% Wrath 94% Pride 88% Envy 81% Greed 63% Sloth 56% Gluttony 50% Yay!~ That was insightful! So I took one to tell me what mythological creature I was! You scored as Mermaid. Mermaid: Mermaids are also known as Sirens. These creatures were beautiful women who tricked sailors into becoming completely entranced by their haunting voices and found death soon after. Not all stories of Mermaids are about gentle loving sea people. They are mystical, magical, and extremely dangerous. They have a way about them that brings anyone they are around to seem enchanted. They are very mysterious creatures and to meet one... Would mean certain Death. Let the song of the Sea fill your soul, for you are a Mermaid. Mermaid 100% Faerie 84% Dragon 83% Angel 67% Demon 50% WereWolf 25% Yay! I want another one! So... Which of Jane Austens Leading Ladies Am I? You scored as Marianne Dashwood. You live life to the fullest and find enjoyment in many things, especially poetry and music. Sometimes you can become reckless in the pursuit of your goals. You may be prone to extreme emotions -- ecstatic one day and somber the next. Drawn to all things romantic, you most likely believe in "one true love" and are not afraid to defend your views of the world. Marianne Dashwood 90% Elizabeth Bennet 88% Catherine Morland 75% Emma Woodhouse 65% Anne Elliot 65% Fanny Price 50% Elinor Dashwood 48% So That Was Really Fun... Bye!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Yo! Don't shoot!

Your Emoticon is Grumpy
Maybe you're having a bad day... or maybe something just upset you. Either way, you're definitely seeing red!
What Emoticon Best Represents You Right Now?
See witches? Don't fudge with me!
You Are a Phoenix
Driven and ambitious, you tend to acquire material success easily.You have grand schemes - both for your own life and for changing the whole world.You are a great leader, and you have no problem taking the reigns.However, you aren't all business. You also have great talents for performing and visual arts.
What Mythological Creature Are You?

Here that? i'm a pheonix! Means I'm ugly right now and I'm gonna blow up! Yeah I bet you feel bad now! Ok so I am currently attempting to write a book. Its about the way far in the future in the pandemonium that occurs when God comes back to earth and we descover that

Jesus+God+Devil= actually 1 bipolar space man

Quite a letdown. I f you take offense to that please chill, its just a story, please don't burn me. I am burned out.

Your Fortune Is
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator
yes thats good at least.

Yes I think that correctly sums up my feelings. Love you. Peace on earth. All that junky jazz. And I'm out./~Ms.Stake~

Friday, August 04, 2006

UPDATE! The Results Are In! And My New Names Are:

*Drumroll*
Cheyenne Holly Dahlmann's Aliases
Your movie star name: Rum John Virgil Your fashion designer name is Cheyenne Paris Your socialite name is Dittabitta New York Your fly girl / guy name is C Dah Your detective name is Lioness Walton Your barfly name is Pizza Rum Your soap opera name is Holly Ramblewood Court Your rock star name is Runts Corvette Your Star Wars name is Checat Dahbri Your punk rock band name is The Chillish Club
The Amazing Meganame Generator

I'm chill yo!

Your Emoticon is Cool
You're not feeling particularly up or down, just relaxed and calm. You're ready for whatever is going to happen next!
What Emoticon Best Represents You Right Now?
Yo Ms.Stake here officially announcing that I'm chill! But only as long as I don't think about anything. *sniffle* its just so hard. thats it I can't do more.
Your Fortune Is
Stand on toilet, get high on pot.
The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator
Yes I think that correctly sums up my feelings. Love you. Peace on earth. All that junky jazz. And I'm out./~Ms.Stake~

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

New traditions/Fortune cookies

Ok so I found a really cool quiz to tell me what my mood is in a smiley. I will put one on each blog.staring now.
Your Emoticon Is Laughing
You've got a wicked sense of humor. You're everyone's favorite IM buddy... at least today!
What Emoticon Best Represents You Right Now?
Just for now obviously, Don't try to test it. I still get pissed off easliy. Ok so I found A fortune cookie generator.
Your Fortune Is
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator
Your Fortune Is
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator
Your Fortune Is
It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.
The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator
Ok another new tradition! I will sign out like that now!~
Your Fortune Is
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator
Yes I think that correctly sums up my feelings. Love you. Peace on earth. All that junky jazz. And I'm out./~Ms.Stake~

Yes! Haha! Warning!

You May Be a Bit Borderline...
You May Be a Bit Borderline... Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame!When you're up, you're a little bit crazy...And when you're down, your whole world is crashingScary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!
What Personality Disorder Are You?
Scary isn't it? Ok so I am really depressed but my brothers and sisters are supposed to come live with me and my mom which is good because the more people there are the thinner my moms crazy is spread. I don't get it. My mom says she wants to hang out and then when I try to have fun with her and talk and laugh she doesn't listen to me and she gets really mad at me for every little thing. I think that she dreams of us having a gilmore girls relationship so she tries to hang out with me but then when we are actually talking, she doesn't like who I am. MOM! Now I have been typing thus far trying to pretend like you aren't there but I can't because you are going to comment on my feelings and make them a big fucking joke! Don't read this if you're not going to take me seriously! I've been hoping that since you are reading this you would be a little more understanding but you're not! If anything you're worse. There is obviously nothing I can do to make you take me seriously and not shrug off my feelings! When I was talking in the thernot helping mom! she just called me a bitch. "to keep up the creativity" As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted! When I was in the therapists office and I was saying all those things I felt horrible! I was crying! And then you felt horrible which made me feel worse! You are just so selfish! Everytime I have a problem its "Look I have had a bad day, could you hurry this up..." or "Oh stop it!~*laughs*~" Yes those are actual quotes! I told you my feelings would hurt you mom! Don't blame me. And stop laughing! Its not a fucking joke!~ if my mother continues to read my blog after that then she is clearly a masachist. Peace!~ I'm out!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Stop it! Bad Girl!

Turn Back Now! Mother! Yes my mother has been reading my blog! I Say STOP! Me: Mom: Me: Mom: Me: Mom: Me: Yeah. See how mad you make me mom? Stop reading!

Ok. Time for seriousness.

Ok. So. There are people that say we should stand by George Bush and America or we're terrorists. There are people that say we should oppose our country and president because what we are doing makes us terrorists. I personally say that none of us are terrorists. We are quite simply, obviously, human. Hello? Duh. But what does our species have to do with anything? Well, the fact that we are human is why we do anything. What would you do if someone badmouthed your family? Would you stand by or do something about it. If you said you wouldn't do anything about it you either really hate your family or you're not human. Well nevertheless George Bush was acting on that similar human act. Its one of those 'I can make fun of my family but if you try, you die' things. I don't know, maybe not everyone takes so much pride in their family. It just seems wrong to me not to defend and help your family. Anyway, I am just trying to say that while yes, George Bush made a mistake, it was not because he is a bad man. It is because he is human. Now I am not saying I am pro or anti war. I personally am not going to tell anyone because there is no point in it. I am 13. I cannot vote. I am just saying what I think of this its the presidents fault nonsense. He is a president. He has to be elected by someone. Who do you think elected him? And not only that. We elected him twice. It is not all his fault. It is Americas fault. That's me, George Bush, and probably anyone reading this. Yes that means you, American citizen. I believe we have all been in a similar situation as George Bush. Hasn't everyone dug themselves a grave so deep that they can't get out? We are all prone to error. Granted some errors are larger than others. But no matter what at a certain point you can't go back. You are subject to your own storm. You have created a monster and there is nothing you can do. Its the point of no return. You just have to ride it out. Now I am not saying that I do not care for all those human lives. I do care. But we must understand the reason for everything. One of those if you can spot the cancer at an early stage, you have a good chance of survival. If you spot the cause you can stop the effect. We should take this nightmare as a learning experience and think harder about all of our choices. I know it is hard, especially if you have lost someone in the war. But we must learn and move on. Would you want to repeat this war again? With all of the horrors and human costs? Now it is all too late to scold Bush. We are sooo past that. If you oppose to Bush just hope 2008 comes as quickly as possible. If you do not oppose him then chill. Let the other humans alone! They are entitled to there opinion! And another thing! No more of this "I want to kill Bush!" nonsense. Think about it! You are pissed of because of the human lives he is costing us so you want to take another life! You should be ashamed of yourself! And if you are upset about the money that has gone into the war more than the human life then I am incredibly confused. If you want to kill Bush and you are also opposed to the death penalty (don't laugh I've heard of it) then I am very confused. Can you please send me some sort of chart that measures the amount of human lives due to the amount of human lives killed? Something that says, you know, 500,000 lives = 1 life, 2 lives if one of the 500,000 is a personal friend of yours. I don't know. I am very confused. I am aware that this post is very hypocritical. No one reads my blog so I feel relatively safe writing this. I feel like a mother scolding a couple of bad children. Don't make me do this again America!

Friday, July 28, 2006

Haha

haha. Ok I am soo better now. Not about my mom. But about my 'friends'. Yeah. I can suck it up. People always think I'm high. I'm not. I just get overly bubbly to hide my feelings. It works but its a bad habit and its killing me inside. I am grinning as I am writing this. what does that say about me? Ok I am trying to type without looking at the keyboard. Hey I typed 'keyboard' without any mistakes. I am so proud. I think I am going to start meditating. It sounds fun. I have a spider bite on my leg. It hurts like hell and is turning black.. Thats probably nothing good yeah?

Please don't cry at my funeral.

I am buried. alive. I have been buried alive. Partly by myself. I dug the hole. I three-way called my best friend and the guy I like to see what my best friend thinks of my most recent crush and yeah... It could not be more obvious that they liked each other and I can't just say to my best friend 'No! You can't have him! I like him!' That would be incredibly all too selfish. I feel uninspired. And now that I'm the one that introduced them they find it impossibleto talk to each other without me on the line giving them conversation starters. I haven't heard from either one of them in almost 5 hours now so I'm hoping that either means 1)one of them lost interest or 2) they now realize its possible for them to talk to each other without me there to realize how perfect they actually would be together. So yeah. Really bad day. Moms not being at all helpful so nothing new there. She always says shes very supportive and such a good mother and all angelic and then is the bitch from hell when it counts.
bitch from hell n.General term. Refers to mothers everywhere. Mine in particular. Has an uncanny nack for making children be all too eager to endure death by torture. Satan flees before it. Cannot be killed.
Why do mothers think that all problems can be solved through hard labor. i hate her. i hate them. i hope they all die now!!!!............... goodnight bitches.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

So...

He called... I am very happy... Took a while to come down from the high though... Had to take loads of personality quizzes and listen to music while dancing in front of my mirror and call my ex. He's fine by the way. Here I'll share some of my personality quiz results so that you can look into my psyche. Oh and just to let you know you should probably highlight them otherwise some won't show up... I was just thinking, noone cares.
You Are Seductive Flirt
Smoldering hot, you don't really flirt. You seduce.For you, flirting is just foreplay. You don't flirt unless it's going somewhere.You have one goal in mind when you flirt... And you usually get it!
What Kind of Flirt Are You?
You are
What Rejected Crayon Are You?
Your Aura is Red
You have a high level of emotion. This can mean passion, but it can also mean rage.Usually, you don't take these emotions out on others. You just use them as motivation - and it works! The purpose of your life: embracing all the wonders of the life, lots of travels, and tons of adventures Famous reds include: Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez Careers for you to try: Dancer, Boxer, Surgeon
What Color Is Your Aura?

Your 2005 Song Is

Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day "My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating" In 2005, you bummed everyone out. Like you care.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?
You Are An ENTP
The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.
Your Love Number is 1
You tend to be a stubborn lover, holding your ground in every argumentYou take your time falling in love. You aren't the type to lose perspective.You are loyal (to a fault), and you require the same loyalty in your sweetheart.At your best, you are a wise and inspiring partner - who sticks around.
What Is Your Love Number?
Your Love Element Is Fire
In love, you are a true listener and totally present.For you, love is all about feeling more alive than you've ever felt. You attract others with your joy and passion.Your flirting style is defined by your strong ability to communicate. Fun and play are the cornerstones of your love life.And while your flame may burn too brightly, it's part of your appeal. You connect best with: Wood Avoid: Water You and another Fire element: will likely burn out quickly
What Element Is Your Love?
What Your Face Says
At first glance, people see you as driven and ambitious. Overall, your true self is passionate and physical. With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react. In love, you seem like a huge flirt. In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic.
What Do People Think Of Your Face?
You Have a Choleric Temperament
You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.
What Temperment Are You?
Your Famous Last Words Will Be:
"It's probably just a rash."
What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?
Your Personality Profile
You are sexy, powerful, and bold.You're full of passion and energy...Sometimes this passion has a dark side. You feel most alive when you're seducing someone.You never fail to get someone's attention.Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!
The World's Shortest Personality Test
Your Pimp Name Is...
Pimptress Dazzle
Your Five Factor Personality Profile
Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness.You're generally a friendly and trusting person.But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism.It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high.In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.
The Five Factor Personality Test
You Passed 8th Grade Math
Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!
Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?
Your Power Color Is Gold
At Your Highest: You are engrossed in passions that mentally stimulate you. At Your Lowest: You seek thrills and neglect what's important in your life. In Love: You see dating as adventure and approach it with an open attitude. How You're Attractive: You passion for life makes others passionate about you. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Having Fun?"
You Belong in 1981
If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!
What Year Do You Belong In?
Your Linguistic Profile:
45% General American English
20% Dixie
20% Yankee
10% Upper Midwestern
0% Midwestern
What Kind of American English Do You Speak?
You Are a Licorice Jelly Bean
You are an acquired taste. The less people fight your strange ways, the more they like them.
What Flavor Jelly Bean Are You?
Ok that was fun. Thanks for sticking with me through all that.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Conversations

Mom: You must be bipolar... Me: I Must be 13... Mom: Yes that's it. Blame it on your age. Me: Fine I will! Mom: OMG I am so proud of you. Me: What? Mom: You are just so amazing. Me: Now who's bipolar? Me: Why the hell didn't you call me? Certain Unnamed Male: I don't know. Me (ever so delicately, slightly annoyed): What the hell do you mean you don't know?! Certain Unnamed EVER SO SLIGHTLY ANNOYING male: I don't know. Me (DEFINATELY more that ever so slightly annoyed): You know what? You don't know anything do you? Certain Unnamed EVER SO SLIGHTLY ANNOYING male: *pathetically sobs* I am so sorry! Please find it in your heart to forgive me! Me: Beg. Certain Unnamed Male: Please. Please! Me: No... Tell me I'm pretty. Certain Unnamed Male: You're pretty! More than pretty! You are gorgeous! Breathtaking! Captivating! Please don't kill me or do any harm to my manhood! Me (feeling slightly better after castrating him): Go to hell! Certain Unnamed Male Who Had Better Learned Never To NOT Call Me And Is Currently Burning: *sobs pathetically* Me, Beautiful, Victorious: HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA. Me, Beautiful: Ha Me: Ha Me Again: I had way too much fun with that. *giggles*

Somethings wrong.

Somethings obviously wrong with me. Why am I upset that he didn't call? And if I was why didn't I just call him? Somethings wrong. I'm acting all girlish and shit. I have never been like this and I don't plan on starting now. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him... I want him... I want him. I want him. I want him. But no. I hate him. Yes I hate him.

Annoyed. Very much so.

Ok. I am annoyed. Very much so. I am very much so annoted..... I think. He didn't call. That mofo didn't call. Ah well... Never really liked him anyway. Jerk.

Ok. I am better now.

Ok. I am better now. I am clearly a slave to the almighty mood swing. I had a heart to heart with my mom last night and I feel so much better. It was very possible that she was bullshitting her way through it. I hope not. Brians supposed to call me today... :D

Monday, July 24, 2006

Crying. I am worthless.

Hello. I am crying now. I went to a therepist today. I was already mad at my mom. I was silent when she was talking. And pretty silent afterwards. My mom caught on. She said she felt as if I was nonverbally asking her "What are you still doing here?" So she got up and left. I felt terrable about it but at least I would be able to get my feelings out. I said things in there I know I should not have said. Even saying that if mom ever found out some of my thought and opinions and such I would never be able to forgive myself because it would hurt her too badly. I should have put two and two together. I heard every word the group right before us said. My mom said she even tried to go into the stairwell but she could still hear. I said things that I wish I didn't. My mom called me down a little while ago and asked if I liked her at all. I had never really thought about it and I am afraid to think about it now because I may not like the answer. She said she felt like I didn't. She said for the past couple of days I had been looking at her like "Ugh." I am ashamed that I have felt this way as I have. How could I. I need to be destroyed. I love my mom even if I don't. I feel terrible. How could I have said those things. Life will never be the same again. She knows now some of the things that I feel. She says she is over it but I know she is not. Am I doomed to complete the rest of mylife in shadow? The both of us never feeling truly happy? This is just like me. Fucking everything up. I wish I could just die. I wish I could kill myself but I know that I cannot because mom would feel like it was her fault. I wish everyone would just forget about me so that I could remove myself from this earth. My name, Ms.Stake. Suits me very well. I must have been a mistake because I know that god would not let someone like me onto this earth on purpose. I am a horrible person. I can't kill myself because then my mom would think its her fault. I am doomed to live with those feelings I am so ashamed of and bring those that I love down with me. I need to be destroyed.

Hello. I am Ecstatic.

Hello. I am Ms.Stake. I am ecstatic. I like someone. A boy. Named Brian. I asked someone something. A girl. My friend. Named Lauren. To get me his phone#. I asked my friend Lauren to get me Brians phone#. Apparently she gave him mine. Through what course of events I do not know. He called. Me. He called me. He is having a party. He asked. Me. If I would like to come. To the party. That he is having. Brian asked me to come to the party he is asking. I mean throwing. I am overloading. I can't think. Straight. I can't think straight because I am Ecstatic. About the party. I am going. To the party. Yes. Most definately I am going to the party.